Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Me, myself and Mike [(25) and (26)]

(25)

I’ve been longing for companionship
Someone who would understand
Without judging
Who wouldn’t try
To steal me away
You
Would walk the path
In the same direction
No question
No wondering when that will end
Though it will end
We’d both know
Nowhere
Just down the river if we will
Down that alley road
There would be laughs
But cries also
Yet together
And then loneliness again
When we’d realized that’s all we are
That we can’t stand
You
The path will sever
And I will cry along
Longing for companionship
But there is no company down this life
It is where Mike calls me.

(26)

The snow flakes kissed my lids and I saw something new
Did you?
Some lit-up windows looking down on me
I gaze up
Searching for someone
The cold is so pretty within oneself
Delicate
Snow bury your charges
In a soft fur you’ll love for long
Winter and Spring again
No wonder we all want it
The velvet silence
Of one’s skin getting bitten
By loneliness

Me, myself and Mike (24)

(24)

Did you feel empty
When you realized it?
Empty
When you saw
They don’t need you anymore?
Did you?
Lonely, pained or ugly?
Did it hurt or did it make you laugh
To see everything you did so far
Came exactly to what you wanted?
You wanted
Void?
What it is it exactly
You wanted?
Did you want to feel empty?
Did you hope emptiness would fade away
If they wanted
You?
No, did emptiness fill you?
Fulfill you?
Did you feel empty when their backs smiled in the distance?
Did you feel empty?
No,
I felt Mike.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Me, myself and Mike [(21) ,(22) and (23)]


(21)

I'm the worst
I can never throw away
What belongs to me
Belongs to me
Even broken
I'll keep it
Maybe I'll be able to use it again
One day
What belongs to me will always belong to me
Broken, unshaped, ugly or cold
I won't let go
Even if you try to snatch it away from me
I won't get rid of it
So don't try
To deny
Me

(22)

Someone is feeding on my mind, slowly taking upon me,
Control, no control's left to me,
Someone is disregarding my mind,
Drinking away my soul and flesh
While laughing my troubles away.
Someone is disrupting my well grown membrane,
The shell in which I hide
To discourage you,
Yet the shell in which I hope
They'll take notice
I'm hiding so that people will see
Me
Someone is knocking on my door,
Asking to come in
Yet I can't open if I don't know who it is.
What if they mean harm,
What if they don't mean harm?
I don't want to know about my enemy,
I don't want to know about my murderer.
I want to choose
That's different. I'd break the glass, and accept it,
if you'd only let me choose the face I'd stare into
While I breathe out for the last time.
Knock, knock, knock.
Is that you Mike?

( 23)

There's something about being dead,
That no one knows better than me.
Will you tell me? You ask,
But what if that kills you, right?
But again you ask
What is it that makes you laugh?
All together the same,
Smile, dance or cry,
Deny, hate or whistle
There's no feeling in fulfilling my duty
The great numbers make things easy
Counting, counting and re-counting
No breathing in, no breathing out
The soul of computing the data
It's like watching your house get burned down
It's out, material, and nonsensical
It's not serious
It counts again,
The number of steps through the street,
The number of tubes in the lab,
The number of slices of bread left,
It counts counterclockwise
And again clockwise
Wisdom of numbers
Neither me nor Mike.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

You, only you.


  
CHARACTERS:
WILL: A thirty-ish man, unshaved, wearing baggy dancing clothes.
SOPHIA: A young woman, very pretty.
DANCERS

            [The curtain opens on a group performing hip-hop dancing on a whole song. WILL and SOPHIA dance in the centre.]
WILL:            Right guys! That was awesome… We’re almost there.
            [He gets a towel from a chair on the side and wipes the sweat off his face. As he does so, the dancers gather their stuff.]
                        See you on Tuesday. Do some stretching sometime!
            [The dancers leave. SOPHIA sits herself on the floor and stretches herself. WILL joins her. They keep stretching for a few minutes in silence. SOPHIA glances at WILL from time to time. ]      
SOPHIA:        You’ve lost some weight recently.
            [WILL levels his gaze on the woman and shrugs.]
WILL:            Not really.
            [He goes back to his stretching. She stares at him, in silence.]
SOPHIA:        You’re not eating properly, are you?
            [He looks up and laughs at her reproving glare.]
WILL:            Come on, little Sophia, I’m all right. Don’t glare at me like that! I needed to get in shape a bit, so I stopped soda and chips.
            [SOPHIA looks surprised, and frowns. She stands up to stretch more but keeps her eyes on WILL, though her expression grows sweeter.]
SOPHIA:        You want to have… [She bends to touch her feet with her fingers.] …dinner… [She breathes out.]… with me sometime?
            [He rolls on his back and lies staring at the ceiling.]
WILL:            Will I be the one to cook?
            [SOPHIA stops her stretching, walks toward him, puts her feet on his chest and glares down at him.]
SOPHIA:        As if! Why do you always have to ridicule me when I’m serious?
            [She wants to turn back but he grabs her ankle.]
WILL:            You’re angry, little Sophia.
            [He smiles innocently.]
                        Don’t be, you’ll get wrinkles on your lovely face.
            [For a split second, she looks unsettled, then lets herself fall backwards landing on her hands, and does a backbend followed by a backward roll. She ends up lying on her belly, and puts her head in her hands to stare at WILL.]
SOPHIA:        I’m not angry.
            [WILL laughs and gets up.]
WILL:            If you don’t want me to anger you, don’t ask the same question every time.
            [She frowns.]
SOPHIA:        I am not angry.
            [WILL wipes his face in the towel.]
                        How’s work doing?
            [He grunts and shrugs.]
                        What’s that supposed to mean?
WILL:            Whatever.
            [She stares at him, unblinking.]
                        The same as ever. I’m not good enough to get any interesting job, yet I’m not bad enough to just drop out. I’m a mess.
            [SOPHIA stands up slowly, with cat-like moves.]
SOPHIA:        I like your dancing.
            [He smiles, an amused look on his face.]
WILL:            Thank you, little Sophia.
            [She frowns at him.]
SOPHIA:        You don’t mean it. You’re making fun of me again.
            [She slides to the floor to do the splits.]
WILL:            I’m not, I swear. I’m grateful you like my dancing though you’re a thousand times more talented than I am…
            [She looks up.]
SOPHIA:        I’m not. Dance is just a hobby to me. I’m never serious.
            [She breathes slowly out.]
                        I’ve never been.
            [He stares at her for a few minutes, as she stretches. After a rather long pause, she lifts her head and their eyes meet. They keep looking at each other for another few minutes.]
                        Go out with me.
            [He turns back and puts the music on again. He starts practicing moves, doing every one of them at least three times before starting on another one. SOPHIA stands up and starts dancing freely on the music, absent-minded. When she suddenly faces him, she stops abruptly.]
                        Go out with me.
            [He ignores her. She stamps her feet and yells:]
                        Go out with me!
            [For a short moment, he seems annoyed, stops his practice and turns off the music, but then his mouth splits in a laughing smile.]
WILL:            I already told you, you’re too young for me. Dating younger women is too tiresome.
            [He laughs good-naturedly and pinches her cheek. She looks disgusted and clenches her fists.]
SOPHIA:        You’re a lazy bum, Will. I can’t understand how you’re able to go on like that. One day you’ll have to commit yourself.
            [She steps away from him, and do a saut de chat and a pirouette to turn her back to him. He looks hurt.]
                        It makes me sick to see you so passive. You’ve got the chance to make it. Dance is your life, and yet you’re always hesitating. If I had the chance to only dance…
WILL: [harsh:]
                        Then what would you do?
            [She shrugs yet looks hurt. He ignores her. She pouts a little like a child but he stays silent. She does a few classic dance steps without music, then starts turning wildly on herself till she’s too dizzy to go on. She falls on the floor, her eyes out of focus. ]
SOPHIA:        I’d laugh every day. I would enjoy how things would dance around me in circles like now.
WILL:            See, you’re just a child.
            [He lies next to her, watching the ceiling. There’s a long pause during which only their breaths are heard.]
                        Why don’t you try getting serious?
SOPHIA:        Why don’t you try getting serious?
WILL:            I am serious with my dancing. I’m just not that good… But you…
            [He pauses.]
                        It hurts to see you waste yourself…
            [She sighs and puts one hand on her eyes and the other on his mouth.]
SOPHIA:        I’ve got no time… I’ve got my job… It’s too late for me. If I wanted to be a pro, I should have started as a kid.
            [He laughs and stands up. He pauses, glancing at her unmoving body.]
WILL:            A kid…
            [After a short pause:]
                        Want to have dinner with me?
            [She rolls on her belly and jumps up on her feet.]
SOPHIA:        Yes, I want to have you for dinner.
            [He laughs but she strides toward him and stamps a fist on his chest.]
                        Don’t laugh.
            [He laughs again.]
WILL:            Poor little Sophia. I’m not gonna date you, so just drop the idea.
            [She shrugs but has tears in her eyes.]
                        Don’t cry, you know we’re not suited. I’m too old and lazy for little you.
SOPHIA:        I should be the one to judge.
            [She crosses her arms and stays silent for a few minutes.]
                        Dance with me.
            [WILL blinks, surprised.]
WILL:            What? Again?
SOPHIA:        No, not that kind of dance. I said “dance with me”, not next to me.
            [Perplexed, WILL smiles absent-mindedly.]
WILL:            As you like, Princess Sophie.
            [He takes her hand and puts his arms behind her back. They start waltzing very slowly, then gradually faster and faster till she lets go of his hand and does a classic step on her own, before stopping, out of breath.]
                        See you’re already out of breath.
SOPHIA:        Go out with me.
WILL:            Drop your job, start a career in dance. That’s where you should be.
SOPHIA:        Stop that.
WILL:            [teasing her:]
                        Dance. Only dance.
SOPHIA:        [yelling while he goes on chanting maliciously:]
                        Stop!
            [She squats down and puts her hands on her ears.]
                        Stop it now! I hate you, Will!
            [She starts to weep in silence, and Will seems suddenly guilt-stricken. He shuts up and approaches her cautiously.]
                        Leave me! You’re the worst!
            [He sits next to her and lets his head rest on her arm.]
WILL:            I’m sorry.
            [She shakes her head.]
SOPHIA:        It’s ok, it’s my fault anyway. I’m too stubborn.
            [Her hands remain on her face and WILL hesitates to put his arm around her shoulders. She lifts her head before he’s reached a decision.]
                        I should go now, it’s late already. I got a lot of work to do tomorrow.
WILL:            Accounting is harsh. Won’t you have dinner with me in the end?
            [She flashes a deathly glare at him, and a rueful smile brushes his lips.]
                        Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you that much.
            [She shrugs.]
                        Whatever…
            [He stares at her as she collects her belongings.]
                        Sophia…
            [She turns around to face him.]
                        Dance with me.
SOPHIA:        Why should I?
WILL:            Because you want to?
SOPHIA:        No.
WILL:            I’ll kiss you if you do.
            [Her eyes grow narrow.]
SOPHIA:        Right. What do you want to dance?
            [WILL shrugs. She glides toward him but waits for him to put his arms around her. As soon as he’s done, she pushes him into dancing and they dance wildly for a few minutes. Then SOPHIA grows flustered. She suddenly lets go of his hands and does a few jumps followed by a flip under his strangely sad gaze. When she lands on her feet out of breath and disorientated, her gaze is out of focus. She breathes heavily. He walks very slowly toward her, and kisses her on the cheek, with a pained expression.]
WILL:            Good night, little Sophia. I’ll see you tomorrow.
            [WILL walks out of the stage. SOPHIA stays, still out of focus. A tear runs down her cheek.]
           
THE CURTAIN FALLS

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Me, myself and Mike (20)

(20)

What if things had been different? I always wonder. What if
I had been someone different
Smaller, different from my outside self
Bluer, religious, outsider, foreign
What if we had talked about what we didn't have in common,
Instead of what made me think we were alike?
What if my mind instead of going blank had turned purple? Would you have stayed inside?
I could have been Mike? Could I?
I look at photographs
Not old ones, no, the one you won't show me, and think, what's life now?
Is it what I do and what you do?
Is it what Mike makes me do? Is it what you made me do that made Mike? Is it what Mike does to me that makes me go back to you? Is it only me?
Me among all of you that still can't understand? When do you start to love? When do you start to hate? When do you stop ever feeling?
What if I was someone else? Another woman, a man that'd stay without questions,
That could move freely around? I don't know.
Maybe that's why Mike gets to me. It gets to me to know I'm weak to this. To know there's no control. To see all of you walking away with a short smile. I'm stuck here, looking at your backs, and
Mike won't come.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Me, myself and Mike [(16) ,(17),(18) and (19)]

 (16)

Mike Mike Mike Mike
Mike Mike Mike
Mike
Mike Mike
Mike Mike Mike
Mike
Mike Mike
Mike
Mike Mike
Mike
Mike Mike
Mike
Mike Mike
Mike
Mike
I repeat
Mike Mike
Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike
Mike Mike Mike
Mike
Mike Mike
Who am I?
Mike Mike Mike
Mike
Mike
Don’t
Mike Mike Mike
I know
Mike
Me

(17)

I want to make you
Me
So I’ll write you
Down
I’ll mimick you
Mind if
I understand
Imitation
Regulation of your difference
Disguised
Inebriated
By yourself
Right
Left

Les yeux ouverts
Grands
Les yeux
Mourir d’habitude
Délai de carence
Lack of
Care
Tepid feelings
Trepidation
Distress
« Stress »
Merci

(18)

Tonight I stroll through Paris streets. It reminds me of that rainy day in Shinjuku. But the feeling is different. I so not feel like myself. Le diable au corps. I like the phrase. That’s that. I can’t stay still.
I get lost tonight
On purpose
I think if
I get myself lost
It might become bearable
If I lose myself
At least I won’t have to listen to my voice anymore.
Trying to poison one’s self to kill one’s voice
Is painful. Back to rue de Turenne. But where is here? Maigo ni naru. I don’t know if it means what I think it means but I like the sound of this.
Lost in my own lands, yet peaceful outside.
“Pain de sucre” I read pain.
I want a book that I won’t read.
Slowly becoming the stranger.
Anything can happen in the Louvre. My hair will grow long again, my clothes will be torn and I’ll turn into one of these ravishing marble statues, an anguished look distorting my face.
It started raining. I’ll get drenched. Same effect as swimming in the Seine.
But again
Mike brings me home.

(19)

I don’t exist
            As a writer
                        As a poet
                                   As a fiction
I don’t exist
            As a theater
                        As a coat
                                   As a woman
I don’t exist
            As a cover
                        As a fashion
                                   As a friend
I don’t exist
            As a grave
                        As a South
                                   As a breath
I don’t exist
            As a child
                        As a dog
                                   As a doll
I don’t exist
            As a sister
                        As a Laundromat
                                   As a science
I don’t exist
            As an athlete
                        As a thought
                                   As a MacDonald’s
I don’t exist
            As a shade
                        As a tapestry
                                   As a delight
I don’t exist
            As a liar
                        As a disease
                                   As a blossom
I don’t exist
            As a liquid
                        As a bliss
                                   As a piece of bread
I don’t exist
            As an outsider
                        As a flow
                                   As a mimic
I don’t exist
            As a Japanese
                        As an apprentice
                                    As a blur
I don’t exist
            As a puddle
                        As a bed and breakfast
                                   As a wrap
I don’t exist
            As an exit
                        As a
                                   As
I don’t exist
Mike.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Me, myself and Mike (15)

(15)

What happens if I betray Mike
If I betray my own
Mind
Your own business
Don't think you can
Control me
Mike
I'm the one in charge
I'll charge you
If you try
Me
I thought I'll let you play
You provoked me
No warning for
Mike
No more conversation
With my silly
Self
No more laughing
With your silly
Smile
It happens when I betray Mike